At age 30 I was diagnosed with a Rare Autoimmune Disease.
Being told you have a disease and condition that is not ‘fixable’ is hard. Being told that you just need to manage each day and try different pain management options is hard.
At age 32 I was diagnosed with a complex brain aneurysm.
Having a five hour operation, intensive care and twelve days in hospital is hard. Having constant headaches and migraines is hard.
To fight each day, to fight for another day, to be grateful for another sun rising and another sun setting, to feel the warmth on my face, a cuddle from the dog and clean sheets on the bed.
I am not the same person I was. I have chosen to grow mentally stronger but I have been through the biggest challenges. You can choose to grow from hardship and hard seasons and that is the choice I made.
Don’t get me wrong I have hit rock bottom, I have spent days in my pyjamas without getting up and without moving from the sofa. And I had to really dig deep to find the strength to start again. And I found it harder after my aneurysm, as I felt I had already done so much work to get where I was and that knocked me back again.
I can’t do the same things I use to do, I don’t have the same life I use to. My health affects my ability to work, exercise and sleep. It is debilitating and every day I have to choose to get up and fight it. Each day I have pain and fatigue and I have to use alternate ways of coping and managing.
Meditation has been a massive help in terms of allowing my brain to be still. There are so many free meditations that you really are spoilt for choice.
Journalling my thoughts, feelings and visions for the future has been helpful to get things out of my head. Sometimes the overwhelming feeling is that I can’t do this or that so writing it all down really helps.
Being kind to myself and looking after me is massive to my mental health. I have had to learn to pace things throughout the week and take rest when I need it. Also taking time to read a book, have a bath or fake tan! Also taking vitamins and supplements, eating the right nourishing foods and drinking the water gives me focus on trying my best to help my body feel good.
Rachel Hollis says ‘Do the best you can, with what you have, where you are’ and this is such a true statement to live by. My measure for life each day is if I am doing my best.
I look at the future now, not as I once thought it was, all planned out but with gratitude in my heart for today and for each day. With appreciation for today and the moment and with so much love for family, friends and my partner who have been with me every step of the way.
To those of you who are also experiencing challenges and dark times, I see you and please know that you are needed in this world, that you can be a light for someone else, don’t give up, choose to fight. 💜
With so much love,
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